A mix of good news and bad news

Hello everyone, I’m back from my blog hiatus since I have finished my initial thesis proposal defense yesterday. It was a hard fought battle while I was having a lot of problems. Although I was proud of myself, I persevered through it but it was without suffering a huge loss.

The good news is… I passed my thesis proposal defense.

I can really say that it was a close call. I was literally being chewed by the panelists regarding my proposal. Although I was having a hard time answering their questions, I did not feel bad about it and cursed them while I’m answering (wahaha). In fact, I’m thankful for the questions that have been raised because without those questions, the holes that we have overlooked in the proposal would still be there.

I realized that the terms you use in your proposal mean a lot. If you mistake one term for the other, you could end up with a wrong proposal. I wrote the wrong term in my proposal, instead of “essay features”, i wrote “essay writing skills”. Wow! That is so different and it really affects the whole proposal.

Although I passed, I still have a lot of revisions to do. It just shows how poor my researching skills are. I hope I can finish it in time and get it approved.

Now for the bad news
My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. Yes, it is on the same day of my thesis proposal defense. It was even before my defense. You can just imagine how hard it is to defend while your heart is breaking. I did my best using the technique that I am so proud of, “mind over heart“.

I’m glad my friends were there for me when I needed someone to lean on. I admit I don’t like being consoled because it just makes me feel worse (adds more tears, more pain) but I’m that I have people who I can talk too and pour out what I feel. I try my best to make a straight face, of course it’s my pride at work, but it does not work sometimes.

I was thinking, “do you have to be gay to have the right to cry?“. It that statement is true, then I’m gay! However, I don’t agree with that statement. Men are just equal to women. They both have emotions and can feel happiness, sadness, pain, bitterness, excitement and other emotions. So I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m crying right now. It is very hard to type while my chest beating wildly. I feel like I have hiccups and my eyes and nose are overflowing. (I wonder why if I stop typing, I stop crying but the more I type, the more I cry?)

I’m on the losing end here. I am the one who feels the pain. How about her you ask? She does not feel a damn thing. Just like a rock. I wish I could rant like hell here against her but I won’t. I do not want to add to the bitterness that I currently have right now.

Oh well, life goes on… Time to move on…. =’ )

EDIT : All discussions about the bad news, please go to my newly created blog about it instead.

11 thoughts on “A mix of good news and bad news

  1. I don’t know what to say… congrats/sorry to hear that. But then, if you want to cry, it is perfectly fine to do so. There is nothing wrong with expressing how you feel. Crying is never a sign of weakness.
    One way of looking at this is you have a lot of opportunities for growth. On your thesis, you have a lot of catching up to do. This may help you “get distracted”. On your “bad news”, you never really lost… you actually gained a lot of experience and well, is on your way to becoming the Ultimate Allen. =)
    Its okay to be sad. In fact, I advice you to be true to yourself. =) Once you get tired of being sad… then stand up again like Wade. =)

    1. Thanks Deryk. Although I don’t think thesis can help me get distracted over this. If it was games, perhaps theres a chance… however, I tend to separate my personal life from other stuffs so they don’t overlap.

      Hmm I promise that I’ll get up. I will. Actually its the only choice I have. I don’t want to be stuck in this forever… hehe ^_^

      Thanks once again!

  2. hi allen, i’m happy to hear that you passed your thesis but at the same time sad over what happened to your relationship. Deryk is right, you’ll eventually stand up from all this a stronger person.

    Cry if you must but eventually mauubusan ka rin ng luha and you will learn to appreciate the other things in life. The end of your relationship does not mean the end of finding happiness in other people. Go out with your friends, take this opportunity to build stronger friendships. It is during this stage that you get to know who your true friends are. Those who are patient enough to listen to your repetitive rantings and see the bad side of your, if i may state, bitter self and still support you through this. Friends are not only those who side with you but also those who objectively point out things that you sometimes do.

    Don’t follow other examples of ‘guys’ who drink to forget or whatever they’re doing. Just go out, watch movies, have dinner, catch up with old times with friends…It works. And aside from that, dami mo nang kasama when you go out! Di ba it’s a win-win situation din kahit papano… =)

    God bless, I hope you get over this trial in your life.

    Live to love life! =)

  3. i cant imagine you crying. haha. perhaps your happy face made its mark on me as permanent, but then again, you were right to say crying’s not for girls only. haha. i remember it was you who used to console me back in highschool. finally i get the chance to console you back.

    each man has his waterloo. you’ll get over it. we all do.

    (plus it adds a certain drama to your life when you finally publish your own biography, or have your life shown in a reality drama TV program like Maalaala mo Kaya or Magpakailanman)

    what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. as I used to say, heart breaks and disillusionment is a prelude to maturity.

    And also in the future, you can write a post about overcoming break-ups. 😀

  4. I’m sorry to hear about the news, man. Really I am. Well, maybe next time we could drown those mushy feelings at the taste asia event. hehe. happy blogging.

  5. congratulations! even if there are still some revisions–what matters is that you passed with flying colors. do finish the revisions, before you forget all about it.

  6. Thanks everyone. Thanks for the advices and the support. I’m trying my best to adjust to it. It is still very painful at the moment but I’m hoping that this will fade as time passes.

  7. geez, sorry to hear the bad news dude… you may have shared a lot but, like you said, it’s moving on time… if she’s like a rock, sayang yung luha na dumadalow sa pisngi mo…

  8. First, lemme congratulate you for a job well done in your thesis. Trust me man, my researching skills are far more worse than yours. Haha!

    Aaaaand.. I’m really sorry for what happened to you and your ex-gf. (guess you have to get used to calling her “ex”) Think of it this way.. it’s her loss not yours. Plus, maraming isda sa dagat.. hindi ka naman mauubusan. Hehe. Oh and yeah, boys don’t cry.. but MEN do. 😉

  9. Hi everyone! Thanks for the congratulations for my thesis and the condolences to my relationship.

    btw, if you guys are interested, I have made a separate blog for the “bad news” of this post. Check it out at my heartbreak blog . =)

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