Hello everyone, I’m back from my blog hiatus since I have finished my initial thesis proposal defense yesterday. It was a hard fought battle while I was having a lot of problems. Although I was proud of myself, I persevered through it but it was without suffering a huge loss.
The good news is… I passed my thesis proposal defense.
I can really say that it was a close call. I was literally being chewed by the panelists regarding my proposal. Although I was having a hard time answering their questions, I did not feel bad about it and cursed them while I’m answering (wahaha). In fact, I’m thankful for the questions that have been raised because without those questions, the holes that we have overlooked in the proposal would still be there.
I realized that the terms you use in your proposal mean a lot. If you mistake one term for the other, you could end up with a wrong proposal. I wrote the wrong term in my proposal, instead of “essay features”, i wrote “essay writing skills”. Wow! That is so different and it really affects the whole proposal.
Although I passed, I still have a lot of revisions to do. It just shows how poor my researching skills are. I hope I can finish it in time and get it approved.
Now for the bad news…
My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday. Yes, it is on the same day of my thesis proposal defense. It was even before my defense. You can just imagine how hard it is to defend while your heart is breaking. I did my best using the technique that I am so proud of, “mind over heart“.
I’m glad my friends were there for me when I needed someone to lean on. I admit I don’t like being consoled because it just makes me feel worse (adds more tears, more pain) but I’m that I have people who I can talk too and pour out what I feel. I try my best to make a straight face, of course it’s my pride at work, but it does not work sometimes.
I was thinking, “do you have to be gay to have the right to cry?“. It that statement is true, then I’m gay! However, I don’t agree with that statement. Men are just equal to women. They both have emotions and can feel happiness, sadness, pain, bitterness, excitement and other emotions. So I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m crying right now. It is very hard to type while my chest beating wildly. I feel like I have hiccups and my eyes and nose are overflowing. (I wonder why if I stop typing, I stop crying but the more I type, the more I cry?)
I’m on the losing end here. I am the one who feels the pain. How about her you ask? She does not feel a damn thing. Just like a rock. I wish I could rant like hell here against her but I won’t. I do not want to add to the bitterness that I currently have right now.
Oh well, life goes on… Time to move on…. =’ )
EDIT : All discussions about the bad news, please go to my newly created blog about it instead.